Finding Support During Christmas and Other Holiday Seasons
The holiday season, especially Christmas (because it is so widely marketed), but also other religious and community holiday seasons, are often depicted as times of joy and celebration. For many, however, these times can be a stark reminder of loss, loneliness, and the absence of loved ones, or estranged relationships.
If you are coping with grief, bereavement, or loss during the festive season period, know that your feelings are valid, and you are not alone.
Why Times Like Christmas Can Intensify Feelings of Loss
Christmas can amplify emotions, both joyful and sorrowful. The emphasis on family, connection, and tradition can make the absence of a loved one feel more pronounced, whether that loss is recent or not.
Being surrounded by loved ones can still leave you with feelings of overwhelm and loneliness, and you may feel disconnected from the celebrations. The expectation, or perceived expectation, that you should be merry can make it difficult to genuinely express how you feel or seek support.
It can be exhausting and draining to feel an expectation to engage in seasonal festivities and traditions when you feel unable to talk about your loss or grief.
Understanding the Many Faces of Grief
Grief is a natural response to loss, though it feels different for everyone. There is no pattern or set timeline, and you may experience a range of emotions such as sadness, guilt, anger, irritation, and sometimes relief.
When there are family and friend gatherings, loneliness may feel more acute. Though it may feel confusing, grief and its associated feelings can coexist with moments of laughter and happiness. It is important that you can express your feelings, whatever they are.
Types of Loss and Bereavement
The experience of grief and loss is different for everyone. Bereavement can be from natural causes or illness, accidental or through a violent act. It can include suicide or estrangement. The relationship with the person we are grieving also has an impact, whether that is a parent, partner, sibling, child, or unborn child.
Pet loss can have a deep impact too. Each loss carries its own unique challenges for those affected. Though many people may be affected, the grief journey is very individual.
Challenges for Men and Women
Grief does not discriminate, though there may be cultural and societal expectations, whether assumed or perceived, that can affect how individuals cope.
Men may assume the need to keep their pain to themselves, put on a brave face, be stoic, and may not know how to share their feelings. Men may feel they have to be in control and be strong.
Women may take on the burden of nurturing others while hiding their own feelings, or may feel, or be made to feel, ashamed of tears.
It is important to challenge stereotypes so that both men and women are free to acknowledge and express their genuine feelings and emotions without feeling judged or criticised.
Finding ways to allow yourself and others to express emotional needs is important. Whether this is talking openly, connecting with family, friends, or support groups, or seeking some solitude at times, allowing yourself to find your way and communicate this with others matters.
Children and Loss
Children, even very young children, are naturally perceptive and may hide their feelings from parents or carers for fear of upsetting them.
Allowing children and young people to see and understand your grief does not burden them. It can give them the freedom to express their feelings too.
If children and young people are struggling with grief or bereavement, it may be helpful to seek support from a counsellor trained to work with children and young people.
Coping Strategies: Managing Grief and Loss During Holidays and Other Celebrations
- Acknowledge your feelings: Allow yourself to feel sadness, joy, anger, or loneliness. Suppressing emotions can increase distress.
- Review traditions: Long-held traditions may feel comforting, but it can also help to create new traditions if existing ones feel too painful. You can still honour those who have passed.
- Boundaries: It is okay to say no to events or activities that feel overwhelming. Consider your self-care so you have the energy to be present when the time feels right.
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Support:
- Friends and family: If it feels safe, letting trusted people know how you are feeling can help.
- Professional support: If your grief feels overwhelming, support is available through your GP, bereavement counselling, or support groups.
- Self-care: Looking after yourself physically and emotionally matters. This may include time outdoors, music, nutrition, movement, or rest.
Individual Grief and Loss Counselling
If you feel that you need one-to-one support, or if it feels difficult to talk to someone you know, bereavement and loss counselling may help, particularly if your loss feels complex or you have held your feelings for a long time.
You are welcome to get in touch if you feel counselling may help. I offer a compassionate space where you can work through your feelings without judgement.
One thing is very clear to me, having experienced bereavement and loss myself, is that we never get over or forget our loss. Sometimes the pain feels new and raw, particularly at anniversaries or during the holiday season. But we do not have to be consumed by those emotions.
Learning to honour those feelings, give space to them, and also accept that joyful and happier emotions are okay too, can help create a sense of emotional balance.
